Everyone is allowing her to make the rules, so she does. Its a very hard situation. My sister did HIM wrong, by cheating with multiple partners. Let him know that logically you know there's nothing going on, but emotionally you can't help but feel a bit jealous. Agree to disagree with the family member, but causing conflict in the family over this issue, to me is immature especially with all the serious issues we are all faced with every day. Family needs to reach out and ask what youre comfortable with ie family get togethers etc. My ex-husband was extremely violent with both myself and our young children; a sexual predator- meaning he prefers homosexual relationships but needs to hide behind the window dressing of a heterosexual family. Staying friends with exes is one thing, but staying friends with their families is something completely different. I know what you mean I was married 27 yrs, we lost a son when he was 18 and 7 yrs later we were getting a divorce he told me I gave you so many years to straighten up and you didnt. The ex family have nothing to do with me. Most of all, I want you to truly accept that you are delusional. Very naive and gullible. Your happiness is more important than your family and your children? All she wanted to know is if I wrote a mean reply back. This is all a story of my reality. Last night we had my sons 21st birthday at a restaurant. They all hate me, wont talk to me. Hes not one hundred percent committed to the relationship. He might try to act cool and aloof, but at the same time, if there's a chance you might come across him, he has to look handsome, smell good, and walk straight. I have never gotten over it. I wasnt prepared to give up my family, and that really took me by surprise. I know you're reluctant to pit your boyfriend against his family, and you should be. I thought I was alone until I found these posts. My ex-husband and I are great at co-parenting. its so immature to ask him to get lost, esp. And it sounds like they on his side. Sporting events, kids birthdays, sure.but Thanksgiving and Christmas is taking it too far. Someone who gets off on power and control. I dont understand why hes still in their lives, they all know what I went through. I am so sorry for your loss. I knew I would struggle financially and was prepared to give up my cell phone, cable TV, eating out, and even the possibility of having to move to a smaller house or apartment. And if it creates negativity in her life its healthy to avoid negativity in a psychological aspect. Well, this could happen occasionally, by mistake. My boyfriend finally left her after her last infidelity incident. She feels just as hurt as I do. Divorce is one of the most hardest thing youll do & then to end up that you have no family! There is no jealousy because my partner knows that we are totally platonic, and that comfort came about after a series of frank and honest conversations. my boyfriends dad killed himself and im not sure if i my boyfriends family is pushing us apart. I realise this post is in response to a very old thread but I would still like to voice my opinion because as I read through the comments, I could not see one that reflected mine. And I think you have a right to feel whats your body feels, youre not overreacting and I think you are handling it so very selflessly, its hurtful, Im an empath and I feel when others are in pain it literally hurts, what Im trying to say is I am so sorry that this way that you have felt for so long supposed family, they should have done noticed, saw, felt, listen, any sort of emotion anyting at all to realize how much pain you felt because true family, can see it on your face can see it in your eyes I can tell by your movements and motions should Dang near almost be able to tell something is wrong or notice when youre lying even with the lights off you know when I mean? The problem is not her ex or her family. If you didnt know we dated in the past, you would never guess by our text message content or pattern. There are occasions where they all come together like a special occasion run by an education provider. He wanted out. However if your feelings are less important to your family than he is so be it. I am an immigrant and was fairly new to the country, which made everything worse of course. Not one would stand for it if it were them. I know how comfortable you feel in that victim role, with your victim mentality, and the my feelings are facts and thats all that matters mentality because you are self-centered and lack empathy. Your entire family has picked your ex husband over you! "@type": "FAQPage", The reality is there is an ex though and I do have mixed feelings. think they would ever believe there was a completely different side to him. Your family sounds healthy in that they did not pick up your offenses. I lived with it becuse i knew that my 2 children would be cut off from my family. I dont buy it. Anyone who then supports the actions of that person is condoning abuse. I am going through the same thing. I ask my siblings to let go of my ex family or let go of me. Your family is soooooo completely wrong You should send them a link to this web page and give them the choice him or you And yes You go w the kids You and ur kids should cut all ties If they dont wise up Then you dont need them. I was judged from the offset as the guilty one for initiating the divorce and they felt sorry for him and had no problems telling me so. Hes on full disability for being a veteran with PTSD. Its about family and and the children you have together!!! And that's good. I absolutely agree with Your view however I myself still struggle with this decision. 1. My Situationship Broke Up With Me Unexpectedly. I know you posted this a year ago. At the beginning of the relationship, this caused a lot of hassle. He compares you to her 7. To me there is an unspoken rule that if you divorce, your family should be automatically in your corner and supporting you. He is doing this just to hurt me. I hear you and I agree with those that say the family is out of line. She continues to remain close to my in-laws. This is real. People make choices. Apparently his ex had family issues so she clung to his. Its very tough to pretend. Just because a family member gets divorced doesnt mean the other family member has to divorce the other party. It has been slowly getting worse and his sister and his ex are spending more and more time together. readmore "@type": "Question", Its how my mom treats me and how Im the one excluded. He uses his time to complain about her constantly to them and about how she is a bad mother. You stay strong and take the high road. But if constantly brings up old memories of him and his ex, thats a very bad sign. Family is first. Some people are just that nice. The visit came on the same very day we had plans of our own with my mother and sister. When he went on vacation to France, he referred to a woman named Peggy, he told me that he is no longer interested in our marriage. My ex is still very much in every one of my family members lives. Like 7 years before I knew either of them. Yes, my ex and my mom still talk and text all the time still go out go lunch things like that.. It is very painful and although I havent Saddens me my family has never had my back or cared about me. So years went by and barely any conversations ever were initiated by my family of their opinions on what to do. This is proof right here. I shouldnt have to spend days we marked off as being my day with my children sharing them with him now. Ignore the past and accept him as he is, a part of the family. My mother in law never mentioned it, never said a word to my husband about it. She sucked quite a bit of money out of me over the years and completely destroyed my credit. What if that friendly Ex, having been accused of this type of abuse starts showing interests in the familys children? My family sympathized but acted also like it was futile to offer an olive branch.. reader, CaringGuy+, writes (23 August 2010): A OMG My jaw dropped when I read this of all the comments of people sharing stories of their families being involved with the ex still.yours is almost verbatim to exactly to a T my lifethe only thing that is different is that it wasnt my sister but rather my mother whom I have begged and cried to to stop liking his fb posts and commenting and even then she wouldnt saying it was for my son who would be in the pic. My poor mother caught so much flak from people when she finally broke free. His ex-wife is best friends with some family members, who, out of loyalty, cannot fully embrace me. what goes on in his home stays there and what goes on in yours also stays there.. not easy to be firm, but worth it keep smiling, stay strong realize some people are just good manipulators he did manipulate you right? What if my boyfriend or husband still loves his ex-girlfriend or ex-wife, but loves me too? Shame on them for choosing him over you. If I were in your shoes I would feel unsupported and betrayed. If you never have guess what they cant read minds. The family is beyond cordial. My ex has our kids every other weekend. Register in under one minute and get your own agony aunt column - recommended! I dont mean romantic, exactly. How terrifying and awkward. Seems like the author is the problem in this situation. Dear John . They divorced. This is almost certainly why they are not interested in or respectful of your opinions. You sound like a narcissistic mom honestly. Now, you might think that some paperwork changes that. Thats YOUR stuff. "acceptedAnswer": { Just as he promised, I had custody for the first 2 years, but he filed lie after lie with the court daily, weekly, monthly until he obtained full custody of our children then just 2 and 6 years old. I know that word is bandied about a lot these days , but how dare he continue to stay latched onto YOUR family like that ?? For me, building new relationships, prayer, a trauma analyst, and a 12 step program for survivors have been irreplaceable in my journey. I feel like you are making it more complicated then needs to be its about controlling someone and that is never okay. If you ask me all of you are narcissistic selfish individuals who are putting their own needs before that of their children. My ex-husband is doing something very similar. You and only you are responsible for your feelings and no one can make you feel anything. I wanted to keep everything private, and instead he told all of my friends and family what a horrible person I was. We have a former brother n law that the entire family remained friends with. I feel my ex paved the way for them to think the worst of me and it hurts. Why would you have important family gatherings, and isolate your own sister or brother? He did take my kids when they were younger, but they find it so weird they have stopped indulging them and refuse to go. "With one ex boyfriend, I used to be quite close to his mum but I had to finally unfriend her on Facebook and unfollow on Instagram over Black Lives Matter. She was cruel about it. she tore the family apart and now wants to punish the childrens father. You are foremost his Aunt and family so your feelings should come first. Their disloyalty has been breathtaking and I know that in some warped way they will all justify their behaviour. Is that normal with your boyfriend and his ex wife still go hang out with his ex wife. It wasnt until he manipulated me the last time that they realized they needed to cut ties with him (7 months after we seperated). Where is the maturity in that??? It kills me to see him be more of a father to her kids than his own and i will never interfere with their time with their dad. I was divorced in 1990, well before Facebook. We had Christmas morning at my step-daughters and my daughter brought my ex over there as well. I can see them inviting him for like dinner or an outing unrelated to you,but not for family affairs such as holidays or any other occasion where you are attending simply out of respect & consideration for you. I cut contact with them after a few months which broke my heart but it was just so wrong what they were doing. he also told me that he would have dreams about her every night and would think about her 24/7 and still cry about her when we began to go out w each other. I just want to give up and write them all off. I guess I maybe miss interpreted the post or my post was misguiding . This weekend I have been down to the area and my Dad wouldnt even meet up with me said he had to help my brother wallpaper! When youve had a long relationship with someone, and the relationship suddenly ends Of course, your feelings for that person dont suddenly just go away after a couple of months. My dad took her side and laid into me about it (right when it happened, before I said anything to him). I get that he is her husbands brother but she embraces his girlfriends when they come to her house. Not even the same thing. It keeps me up at night and breaks my heart. When you say goodbye to a partner, you say goodbye to his family, too. They dont care You are the only one who I see risking to traumatize your children. This article is a textbook definition of solipsism at its finest. This happened to me and it was excruciatingly painful. Mind you I was 13 and he was 22, so who is really to blame? Now you are making a public post to garner the sympathy you crave, from strangers, because your previous actions have meant that you no longer receive sympathy from your family. He had his son with another woman that ended and soon after he began a relationship with his Ex. 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